It was morning. Day 6 of her antibiotic treatment. I was measuring out 6ml of pure nastiness to be taken by mouth. My poor girl.
She was brave up until the time she held the cup in her hand, and then she'd fall apart. She didn't like taking it any more than I liked giving it to her. But, it was needed to remove the infection residing within her.
I was successful in my administering of the medicine. I mean, she eventually swallowed it; that's success, right? Never-mind the tears, threats, and ugly voices that were being exchanged in the process. It went down...and stayed down. Mission accomplished, right? Wrong.
Why is mothering so difficult sometimes? It was such a peaceful morning up until it was time to take the medicine. Then it all fell apart...in only a matter of minutes.
As I passed the cup of yuck to her, I hoped it would go better than the previous 5 days had. I had hoped that she would have learned and been convinced of the futility of fighting it. But no, the issue was deeper than that (for her and for me). Much deeper. You see, my sweet daughter struggles with fear. She allows her fearful thoughts to distort reality to the point that the thing becomes larger than the sun in her mind. And this became true of this awful medicine too. And as her mother I felt it my responsibility to help her overcome this struggle of hers and do what needed to be done.
I'd like to say that I handled myself with patience and grace, but that would simply not be true. It started out that way, but was then quickly derailed by my own struggle with sin, namely impatience, which snow-balled into anger (and so became larger than the Son...um, I mean sun). {sigh}
"Seriously?! We're dealing with this again?! How many days are you going to let your sin overtake you like this? Every morning you have a new and fresh opportunity to pray and seek God's help to overcome this! We've been doing this same thing for 6 days now! Come on!" disgustingly seethed out of my mouth. I cringe even now at these words, as they are the very opposite of what I desire my words to be filled with!
And there it was...I was blindsided by grace once again. The grace to see my sin and repent. All this time I thought this week was about me administering the needed medicine for my daughter's infection, yet the whole time it was the Lord administering to me the medicine that I so desperately needed. There is residing in me an infectious disease, that if left untreated, will spread wildly throughout my life...sin. And my Father knows it, and is doing something about it. Such love, such grace we have in Christ!
As those shameful words poured from my mouth, I began to sob, for I knew they were words that could easily have been directed towards me. All these six days, I was condemning another's sin while ignoring my own. "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye." Matthew 7:3-4. God was allowing the foul tasting medicine of my child's reaction to the antibiotic to root out the sin that was in my own heart and expose it to the Light. Oh, and did it taste awful! But, as always, it is effective. Our God is so good. And I am so thankful.
Through my tears I sought the Lord's forgiveness, and thanked Him for never speaking to me the way I had just spoken to my own precious child. I then asked Him for the grace to make me more like Christ through this. I also sought my daughter's forgiveness and we prayed together and then studied the Word together. Coincidentally, our memory verse for the week was Romans 8:1, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." By God's abundant grace, I was given the beautiful opportunity {and it truly was beautiful} to explain to my daughter how I had failed to demonstrate this amazing truth to her, but how the Father never fails to do so; that His care and correction towards His children is always full of grace, patience, love and hope. That it is encouraging and life-giving. And it is the type of parenting my heart so deeply desires to imitate...for His glory.
Though the morning fell apart quickly, it had also been redeemed wholly. Jesus is that amazing. His Word is that penetrating. His Spirit is that healing. His love is that forgiving. And His grace is that satisfying.
So, tomorrow morning, when it's time to give another dose of that garbage-in-liquid-form, I will remember Him and the truth in these verses, "The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23, and so give her a dose of grace with it as a reminder to us both of His great grace towards us in Christ Jesus.
I love how the Lord uses my everyday life to teach and remind me of glorious truths about Himself; that whether through my strengths or my weaknesses, He might be glorified!
Why is mothering so difficult sometimes? It was such a peaceful morning up until it was time to take the medicine. Then it all fell apart...in only a matter of minutes.
As I passed the cup of yuck to her, I hoped it would go better than the previous 5 days had. I had hoped that she would have learned and been convinced of the futility of fighting it. But no, the issue was deeper than that (for her and for me). Much deeper. You see, my sweet daughter struggles with fear. She allows her fearful thoughts to distort reality to the point that the thing becomes larger than the sun in her mind. And this became true of this awful medicine too. And as her mother I felt it my responsibility to help her overcome this struggle of hers and do what needed to be done.
I'd like to say that I handled myself with patience and grace, but that would simply not be true. It started out that way, but was then quickly derailed by my own struggle with sin, namely impatience, which snow-balled into anger (and so became larger than the Son...um, I mean sun). {sigh}
"Seriously?! We're dealing with this again?! How many days are you going to let your sin overtake you like this? Every morning you have a new and fresh opportunity to pray and seek God's help to overcome this! We've been doing this same thing for 6 days now! Come on!" disgustingly seethed out of my mouth. I cringe even now at these words, as they are the very opposite of what I desire my words to be filled with!
And there it was...I was blindsided by grace once again. The grace to see my sin and repent. All this time I thought this week was about me administering the needed medicine for my daughter's infection, yet the whole time it was the Lord administering to me the medicine that I so desperately needed. There is residing in me an infectious disease, that if left untreated, will spread wildly throughout my life...sin. And my Father knows it, and is doing something about it. Such love, such grace we have in Christ!
As those shameful words poured from my mouth, I began to sob, for I knew they were words that could easily have been directed towards me. All these six days, I was condemning another's sin while ignoring my own. "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye." Matthew 7:3-4. God was allowing the foul tasting medicine of my child's reaction to the antibiotic to root out the sin that was in my own heart and expose it to the Light. Oh, and did it taste awful! But, as always, it is effective. Our God is so good. And I am so thankful.
Through my tears I sought the Lord's forgiveness, and thanked Him for never speaking to me the way I had just spoken to my own precious child. I then asked Him for the grace to make me more like Christ through this. I also sought my daughter's forgiveness and we prayed together and then studied the Word together. Coincidentally, our memory verse for the week was Romans 8:1, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." By God's abundant grace, I was given the beautiful opportunity {and it truly was beautiful} to explain to my daughter how I had failed to demonstrate this amazing truth to her, but how the Father never fails to do so; that His care and correction towards His children is always full of grace, patience, love and hope. That it is encouraging and life-giving. And it is the type of parenting my heart so deeply desires to imitate...for His glory.
Though the morning fell apart quickly, it had also been redeemed wholly. Jesus is that amazing. His Word is that penetrating. His Spirit is that healing. His love is that forgiving. And His grace is that satisfying.
So, tomorrow morning, when it's time to give another dose of that garbage-in-liquid-form, I will remember Him and the truth in these verses, "The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23, and so give her a dose of grace with it as a reminder to us both of His great grace towards us in Christ Jesus.
I love how the Lord uses my everyday life to teach and remind me of glorious truths about Himself; that whether through my strengths or my weaknesses, He might be glorified!
1 comment:
Hi Lindsay, thanks for the encouragement! That is a good quote, which book is it from?
-Megan
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