Only one more sleep until we make the 42-hour trip back to our now-home in the tropics...again.
The tropics. That sounds dreamy, doesn't it? It sounds like a place a body would feel relaxed and at ease by, right?
So why then am I experiencing the nervous butterflies in my stomach again? I've been living there for six years already. Shouldn't the nerves of uncertainty and that tinge of fear and uneasiness be gone by now?
Well, it's not. And I'm glad.
I am glad it hasn't become comfortable. I'm glad that the same stresses that plagued me at the beginning still linger a bit within me. It means I need Him. It reminds me that I am wholly dependent upon the God who brought me to this beautifully uncomfortable place. It shakes me awake to the fact that apart from Him I can do nothing - even to live somewhere that has become familiar for the past six years of my life. These butterflies cause me to press into my Savior; to lean hard into Him.
"I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages." -Charles Spurgeon
I would rather this queasy feeling of uncertainty as I walk this road with my Lord, in whom I trust, than to run carefree and blind into the comfortable with only myself as my guide; being deceived that even one step in that way is somehow good and wise.
These flutters of anxiety remind me to count the cost; that this life we've chosen is indeed a sacrifice. I look around me at the faces of loved ones I continually have to say good-bye to. Tears being shed that otherwise wouldn't have been had we stayed. There is a price. And I feel every bit of it. But it's worth it.
"...for I will not [sacrifice anything] to the Lord my God which cost me nothing." 2 Samuel 24:24
The truth is, despite these tinges of fear that cause my stomach to tighten, I have experienced more joy in the Lord and more intimacy with Christ in this uncomfortable place than any other time of my life. For that, this "sacrifice" is really turning out to be more of a gift for me than a sacrifice to my King. Isn't that so like our God! Turning our service to Him into a blessing for us!
So, bring on the moments of fear...for I know Whom I am following...and He is good, and with Him are pleasures forevermore!
"In Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever." Psalm 16:11
O Lord, I confess my weakness to you - I do fear the unknown, the uncomfortable. But You are greater! I trust You more than whatever I may fear. My unpredictable life with You, is far sweeter than a comfortable and predictable life apart from You. So, where You lead, I will follow. Amen.
1 comment:
Amen from me too!
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